cc_amy

Happy Solstice!

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 23:01:36 GMT

I had all sorts of fun stuff planned this weekend to celebrate the winter solstice. Last night was an open Yule ritual which was beautiful and a lot of fun; I got to drum and to light the Yule log! It was great to see lots of old friends too, and I'm really glad I went to this one. Tonight I was supposed to meet up with Maggie for another solstice ritual, but it's snowing too much to go out - even by my standards. Everybody has been freaking out about this storm for days, and it's finally here! It's been snowing all day and while I do wish I could have gone to the ritual, I'm also really happy to have snow! Here's how it looked when I got up this morning:

And here's how it looked around 5:00 tonight:

Someone actually came around and shoveled the sidewalk about 2 hours before this picture was taken but as you can see it's all been covered up again. Judging from the lack of footprints and really full parking lot, all my neighbors are hiding inside like I am. I did venture out to try to build a snowman, but the snow wasn't packing very well.

The snow is still coming down pretty hard and is supposed to continue well into the night, which is putting my plans for tomorrow in jeopardy. I have a party to go to not too far from my house which shouldn't be a problem, but then I was planning to head over to Maggie's house for our second annual Stay Up All Night On The Longest Night Of The Year To Welcome The Solstice Sun party. (I really need to come up with a better name for it.) Hopefully the snow will stop overnight and all the roads will be cleared by tomorrow night.

Most alarmingly of all....I'm out of milk! As anyone who lives in the Philly area knows, as soon as snow is predicted you need to run out and stock up on milk, bread and eggs. I have bread and eggs, but no milk! Somehow I've survived the day, but I don't know if I can manage for the whole weekend, so hopefully I can get out to a store tomorrow. What I really need is soy milk, which I need to make the vegan cupcakes that I promised Maggie I'd bring to the SUANOTLNOTYTWTSS party. If all else fails, I do have the ingredients for vegan chocolate chip cookies....hopefully that will suffice!

It's been a strange day...

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:10:27 GMT

I had an 8am meeting this morning, so I got to work at 7:30am. Yes - really! And to prove how unusual this is, our company's head of security made a point of tracking me down and asking if everything was OK, because when his monitor showed that my security card had been used to access the building at 7:30am, he became concerned. Apparently he could conceive of no possible reason that I would drag myself in to work that early unless I had a gun to my head or something. Good to know that word has spread throughout the company that early mornings are not my thing. So that was kind of embarrassing, but that was nothing compared to my chiropractic appointment after work.

So, first you need some background information. I went to Raleigh this past weekend to visit my sister Meghan for her baby shower, which was a lot of fun. My other sister Beth did all the planning and did an awesome job, and it was a great weekend. (Baby is due in mid-January!) While I was at Meghan's house, I slipped on her steps and gracefully fell right on my butt. It hurt a little, but I'm quite well-padded in that area and there was no real damage. I figured I'd have a bruise for a while. I didn't throw my back out, I wasn't limping, it was just a little sore if I pressed on it, so I figured it was no big deal. Yesterday and today my lower back has been a little stiff, but I already had my monthly chiro appointment scheduled for today, so I figured he'd take care of it.

So I go in and he asks me how I've been feeling and I mention my back is a little stiff, probably because I fell over the weekend. He immediately goes on high alert and starts asking a bunch of questions, so I tell him what happened and stress that I just have a bruise, it's no big deal. So he looks at the bruise and goes "Oh my god - this is really bad!" I'm like no, it's just a bruise, it will be fine in a few days. He calls in his assistant to take a look at the "contusion" and gives her a long list of instructions on what procedures to begin. By the time he got to "You know how to work the laser, right?" I asked him if he was kidding. It's just a bruise! He asked if I'd seen it, and I hadn't, so he described it as a "large, serious contusion overlying a severe hematoma". I was like - that's just two fancier words for "bruise"! So I had ultrasound therapy, then the laser, then electrical stim with alternating heat and ice, and then finally he did the adjustment which hurt like hell (but my back is no longer stiff, so yay!), and the whole time he kept sending in other doctors to look at how bad this "contusion" was, and everybody was asking me how I hurt myself so badly and oh, did I mention the "contusion" is ON MY BUTT???? Sure - just bring the whole damn office in to look at my butt! What do I care???

Anyway, eventually it was over, and he tells me I need to come in next week to make sure there are no "complications" from the "hematoma" and gives me this whole lecture about pressure building up and nerve damage, blah blah blah. I'd buy that if we were talking about, say, my knee, or my hand - someplace more delicate, with joints and nerves that are close to the surface. I'm really not worried about nerve damage on my butt. It barely even hurts! Anyway, I agreed to come back next week just to make sure I hadn't developed gangrene, or whatever the hell he's afraid of. When I got home I decided I had to see how bad this "contusion" covering this "hematoma" really was so I contorted myself to get a good look at it in the mirror. Guys - it's a bruise. Yes, it's kind of dark, but it's nowhere near the worst bruise I've ever had. It's not even that big - a couple of inches long and an inch or two wide. My chiro is totally over-reacting. And I'm a borderline hypochondriac most of the time, so if I think he's over-reacting he must have really gone off the deep end. Normally I love my chiro and defend him against anyone who claims that all chiropractors are quacks, but he's way off on this one.

My plan now is to go to bed early and hope that tomorrow is a normal day.

TV News

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:08:19 GMT

Well I've nailed down my plans for Presidents' Day! TNT Lands "Supernatural" Repeats. YAY!!!

"Also on the books is a special 10-hour marathon on Monday, February 15 featuring some of the show's most memorable episodes:

9:00 AM - Tall Tales
10:00 AM - Hollywood Babylon
11:00 AM - Folsom Prison Blues
12:00 PM - Bad Day at Black Rock
1:00 PM - Mystery Spot
2:00 PM - Monster Movie
3:00 PM - Yellow Fever
4:00 PM - Criss Angel is a Douchebag
5:00 PM - After School Special
6:00 PM - Monster at the End of This Book, The"

While on the subject of TV, I saw a very strange PSA on CBS tonight, urging men to give "your woman" the gift that "will light up her menorah" - a pap smear. There's also a Christmas version telling guys to get her "the gift that even Santa can't deliver". This bugs me on a few different levels.

1) A pap smear is a terrible gift idea, the same way that an appointment to have your teeth cleaned, or an eye appointment is a terrible gift idea. Please, do not buy me medical procedures for any gift-giving occasion.

2) If the point of this PSA is to increase the number of women getting regular pap smears, wouldn't it make more sense to aim the commercials at women? Do most men even know what exactly a pap smear is, beyond that it's some kind of "female procedure"?

3) Are doctors offering gift certificates now? How is the guy supposed to know who your gynecologist is? Does he know your insurance situation? Is he supposed to cover your co-pay or the full cost of the procedure? If you don't have insurance and your pap comes back abnormal, is he morally obligated to continue paying for your follow up tests or are you on your own? Scheduling a gyno appointment takes forever - how the heck is the guy supposed to know if you're free at the gyno's next available appointment time 3 months from now? It just seems really complicated.

4) Seriously - any guy that schedules me a pap smear for Christmas is getting a prostate exam scheduled for his birthday.

Oh, look - I found it on YouTube! So tell me, is it me or is this really weird?

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:58:19 GMT

I needed to get my bangs trimmed, so I stopped by the Hair Cuttery after work. Apparently I picked the wrong night, because there was not one, but two angry shouty guys there tonight! Only one was actually scary though, non-scary shouty guy was just annoying.

So, I walk in and there are two stylists on duty, each busy cutting hair, and there's a guy sitting next to one of the women getting her hair cut. (I later learned he's her fiance. Good luck with that!) There was another guy sitting in one of the chairs waiting his turn. I go up to the register, and one of the employees comes over to check me in and tells me it will be a few minutes because there are people ahead of me. And she looks up at the guy sitting in the waiting area and says something like "It will be just a few more minutes before we're ready for you sir". So the guy jumps up and yells "Oh - NOW you acknowledge me???" Then he goes off on this whole rant about how he wasn't properly acknowledged when he came in. The employee confirmed that he was checked in and told he'd have to wait for a bit, but apparently that wasn't enough for him because he kept going on about the terrible customer service. Then he pulls out a knife! Granted, it was just a pocket knife but still - he pulled out a freaking knife and started waving it around! Then he pulls out his Hair Cuttery frequent customer card, and uses the knife to cut it in two and tells the woman that he'll be mailing it to corporate headquarters. OK, fine, but then he kept waving the knife around yelling that no one ever properly acknowledged him! Dude - it's Hair Cuttery. Get a grip!

The employees were really calm about the whole thing - I think if I'd been working there I probably would have called the cops as soon as the knife came out. So they get him to leave and just as she's apologizing to me and the rest of the customers, he comes back in yelling that they kept him waiting too long! Dude - we get it. You're really unhappy with your Hair Cuttery experience. There's a Super Cuts right up the road; go get a haircut there and go home and send a strongly worded email to Hair Cuttery headquarters. Just stop yelling at all of us and for the love of god, put down the knife!

So he finally left for good and everybody got settled down. And the stylist said something about how the holidays stress everyone out and brings out their worst behavior. Well that was all we needed for the other guy to get going - apparently he's quite angry about the War on Christmas, and any time someone mentions "the holidays" rather than saying "Christmas" he feels the need to educate them on the error of their ways. At first he was just annoying, but I guess he thought we weren't paying enough attention to him because he really got going and started shouting about how "You can't even say Christmas anymore! They won't let you - it's all about "the holidays" like we don't all know that everyone means Christmas when they say that anyway!" etc. He went on for quite a while, but since he wasn't waving a weapon I pretty much just ignored him, and I think everyone else did the same. Including his fiancee. He finally shut up and sat back down, still grumbling about "the holidays" off and on until his fiancee was done and they left. I was tempted to wish him a Happy Hanukkah on his way out, but I didn't.

Then I got my bangs trimmed and there was no yelling at all. It was a nice change.

The Holiday Party

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:07:36 GMT

My mom emailed me this joke several years ago, and I always dig it up and re-read it this time of year to help keep me sane while planning our office holiday party. It's this Tuesday, and for some reason I'm really stressing about it this year. But I know it will all work out and everyone will have fun.

OR ELSE.

****************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

RE: Gala Christmas Party

DATE: December 1

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 22, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be a cash bar, and plenty of eggnog! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! A special announcement will be made by our CEO at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

**********************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 2

RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”

The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other type of music for your enjoyment.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

*******************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 3

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”; you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody? Anybody???

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

********************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

DATE: December 7

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps Luigi’s can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - the days are so short this time of year or else package everything for take home in little foil swans. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men, each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the gay men’s table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, Luigi’s asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.

We will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.

We cannot control the salt used in the food; we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply “No Sugar” desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?

Patty

*******************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 8

RE: Party

So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... what do you expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at Luigi’s prohibit the burning of sage by our “earth-based Goddess-worshiping” employees, but we’ll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band’s breaks.

OKAY???

Patty

********************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

To: All Employees

Date: December 9

RE: Party

People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of “Santa” does happen to be “Satan,” there is no evil connotation to our own “little man in a red suit.”

It’s a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine’s Day.

Could we lighten up? PLEASE?????????

Also the company has changed their mind in announcing the special announcement at the gathering. You will get a notification in the mail sent to your home.

**********************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All #%&$**@ Employees

DATE: December 10

RE: The &^%#*#*%& Party

I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is all about. What the %#&^!@ do I care...

I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO GET!!!!!!!!!!!!

You change your address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more changes of address will be allowed in my office. Try to come in and change your address, I will have you hung from the ceiling in the warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegetarians!?!?!? I’ve had it with you people!!! We’re going to keep this party at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right now!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday!

Drive drunk and die, you hear me!!!!!!!!!!!

(signed)

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!

**********************************************

FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: December 14

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 22nd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

Party

NYS Senator Diane Savino speaks on the Marriage Equality bill

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:18:53 GMT

Yeah...what she said.

ETA: Just to clarify, the "angry" mood refers to the fact that I'm angry that the bill was defeated, not that I'm angry at Sen. Savino. Her speech is brilliant and well worth listening to.

Gingerbread pictures!

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:55:09 GMT

corkdorkdan came to visit for a few days over Thanksgiving, and when he found out that I'd never been to some place called Peddler's Village, he was horrified and declared that we absolutely had to go there. When I found out there was a display of gingerbread houses, I agreed! For once I remembered to bring my awesome new camera with me, so here are some pictures.

I was really impressed by the first-place winner; It's a Wonderful Life is one of my favorite movies, and this gingerbread Bedford Falls was amazingly detailed. Here's a closer view:

I thought this one was just really cute - I like the pink and green motif.

Not only houses were on display - this gingerbread Owl and the Pussycat is really cute, and only slightly marred by the eyes and claws of the vicious sea creature rising up to destroy them all that I didn't quite manage to crop out.

Obviously some sort of natural disaster struck this area of Gingerbread Village, and I think we can all guess why. (Hint: GOD HATES THE JO BROS.)

Another cool gingerbread non-house - the Titanic in the process of sinking! I can't believe this one didn't win something.

This kid might need a bit of practice on his or her detail work, but I really admire this kid's subject choice. It's The Tiki Bar! Good job, kid!

OK, so I took this picture because I thought the Skittles roof was really cute. But looking at the picture now, um....WTF is going on off to the left there? Never mind, I don't want to know. Just enjoy the cute little candy trees. Adorable.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:39:09 GMT

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving full of delicious noms!

I did it!

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:39:41 GMT

I actually performed a wedding yesterday! I was insanely nervous, but I pulled it off, and it was awesome! My friends Maggie and Charlie were the whole reason I got ordained in the first place - they asked me if I'd be wiling to officiate their wedding, and yesterday was the big day! I was pretty calm up until the day before - then I went into full-on panic mode. I knew there was nothing to be nervous about, but I guess panic isn't usually rational. I had all my notes written out, and corkdorkdan had the great idea of putting them in a journal that would look a bit nicer than, say, ruffling through a few sheets of loose leaf paper. It was a very small ceremony - the bride and groom each had a best man to serve as witness, and that was it - so I didn't have to worry about stage fright. It just suddenly seemed like a huge responsibility to me. I mean, this was their wedding day; what if I screwed it all up and they weren't legally married for some reason and it was all my fault? Yes, I'd done my research and discovered that it's really not all that hard to get married from a legal standpoint; I'd have to screw up pretty massively to invalidate the wedding. BUT WHAT IF?????? So I panicked on Friday and hardly slept that night and got up early Saturday so I could go with Maggie to get her hair done and for her pre-wedding manicure/pedicure, and then we all went to the bed and breakfast where the wedding would take place, and we did the ceremony and we all signed the marriage license and we had an awesome dinner and it was done! They're married!

I'm not completely out of the woods yet; I still have to mail in the marriage license. But I think I can handle that. I am an ordained minister after all, not some mere amateur!

Maggie & Charlie - congratulations! And thank you again for giving me the chance to share in your happiness like this - it was truly an honor.

Volunteering is fun!

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:00:44 GMT

I had a shift at RFBD tonight after work, and I got assigned to work on the bibliography of a book. I always dread getting a bibliography - it's just so mind-numbingly dull. You have to spell out each author's name and it just gets incredibly boring after reading a few listings. I think I kind of went into a trance at one point because I have no memory of a good half-hour or so, but my director didn't stop me so I assume I was doing OK. Or she fell asleep.

Anyway, I read through the Hs and Is and partway through the Js when things started to go terribly wrong. Usually, if a name is repeated you don't have to re-spell it each time. However, if two different authors have the same last name, you have to spell it each time. So if you have Smith, Bill blah blah blah, and the next entry is also by Smith, Bill, you don't have to spell Smith twice. But if you have Smith, Bill blah blah blah, followed by Smith, Dave, you have to spell out Smith both times. Normally it's no big deal, but this book had an appalling number of references for authors with the last name of Johnson. After I read through 3 or 4, I started getting the giggles, just from the repetition of saying "Johnson - J- O-H-N-S-O-N, Bill. Johnson - J- O-H-N-S-O-N, Dave. Johnson - J- O-H-N-S-O-N, John", etc. After an hour and a half of repetitively reading source after source, it started to seem very funny.

So we had about 15 minutes left on our shift, and my director and I decided to try to power through the giggles (they're contagious, you know) and finish up the page we were on. So we made it through a few more before I started giggling again, and finally I said "Let's just quit. I mean - we did like 10 Johnsons already; isn't that enough for one night?"

And that was when I remembered the alternate definition of "johnson" (I swear - it hadn't even occurred to me until then!), and my director had pretty much the same thought at the same time, and we both collapsed in hysterics because we're apparently 12. Anyway, once we calmed down, we agreed that 10 Johnsons was quite enough for one night and we went home.

Advice please!

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 19:56:32 GMT

I'm having a bit of an issue with my mechanic, and I need a sanity check to figure out if I'm being reasonable. So any advice is much appreciated!

The plastic part of my seatbelt is cracked - the part that you plug into.....that other part. You know. That thing. So I asked my mechanic if he could replace it last time I had it in for some work, and he said no problem but he had to special order the part. So I brought the car in yesterday to have it fixed and paid my $200 dollars and went on my merry way - only to get in my car and discover that my seatbelt was still cracked! So I went back inside and asked the guy what as up, and after a bit of back-and-forth, we figured out that he had misunderstood me when I told him about the seatbelt, and assumed it was the other part that was cracked - the part on your right-hand side that you plug the buckle into. So now I have a new half-seatbelt that I didn't really need, I'm out over $200 and I still have to bring the car back in for them to replace the left-hand side of the seatbelt, which also has to be special-ordered and will cost me about another $300. So I told him to go ahead and order the part and call me when it came in and we'd figure it all out.

I didn't pitch a fit then and there for a few reasons.
1) I love my mechanic. They always do great work, are very trustworthy and treat me with respect - three things I've had a lot of trouble finding with other mechanics in the area. This was clearly an honest mistake, and mistakes happen to the best of us.
2) I was upset and didn't want to discuss the situation until I was feeling more level-headed.
3) He was visibly upset and I didn't want to discuss it until HE was feeling more level-headed.
4) He isn't the owner of the shop, and I knew he'd have to talk to the owner before offering me any kind of deal, so demanding a resolution right then and there was pointless.
5) There were 3 other people behind me in line (seriously the place was deserted the entire time I was there, and right at the worst possible minute everyone showed up) and I didn't feel the need to make a scene in front of everyone, especially when I could tell that he was upset, and the person who could offer me any kind of refund wasn't there anyway.

So I'm assuming that they're going to offer me something - a discount or a credit or something. Yes, it was an honest mistake on their part, but shouldn't he have checked the seatbelt before he placed the order? The car was in for work anyway, and it would have taken him about 5 seconds to look at the seatbelt and make sure we were talking about the same part. It's always possible I was unclear in my description (for example, see my eloquent description of the problem above) but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to take a quick look at the part in question before ordering a new one....is it? Also, maybe they should have noticed when replacing the wrong part that it wasn't cracked and wondered what was up? So when they call me I'm going to wait and see what they say, but I want to go in having an idea of what I want from them.

So I'm thinking I'm willing to pay for both parts. Even though I didn't ask them to replace it, I will have both halves of a brand new seatbelt. And really - my car is 15 years old; there's a pretty good chance that the other part of the seatbelt was ready to break too. However, I am out $200 for a repair I didn't even want, so I feel like they should offer me some kind of a deal. I think I should get a credit for the labor charges on the work they've already done, and a discount on the labor for the work they still have to do. Does that seem fair? I'm looking for honest feedback here, so if you think I'm way off, please let me know.

Happy Halloween!

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:03:48 GMT

I'm spending this Halloween home sick. Nothing serious - just a cold, but it's making me very grouchy. Fortunately I don't usually get trick-or-treaters at my apartment, but I guess if any show up I can tell them that my red nose, hacking cough and bad mood are all part of my "swine flu patient" costume, then watch their parents yank them away before they can take any of my contaminated candy. Maybe I should put a quarantine sign on my door, just to complete the effect. I did buy a bag of candy, just in case anyone does show up. Obviously the ideal outcome is that no kids will show up and I can keep all the candy for myself. Too bad I can't actually taste anything right now.

Adventures in baking

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 02:41:17 GMT

My family is having our early Thanksgiving this weekend, and my job is to bring a cake that everyone can eat. (Well, I'm also in charge of beer, but that one's easy!) So, we have one person who can't have dairy, one who can't have sugar and one who shuns artificial sweeteners. I've found lots of cake recipes that fit these requirements, but each one tastes worse than the last! I tried a "sugar free" banana cake (sweetened only with bananas, no added sweeteners) with a non-dairy sugar-free cream cheese frosting. FAIL. The cake was actually bitter, and the frosting was.....not frosting. Maybe it could have been classified as pudding. Really gross pudding.

Then I tried another banana cake recipe, this one sweetened with fruit juice and agave nectar. It was edible....barely. Really heavy and it had a weird sweetness to it - like it was too sweet, but at the same time not satisfyingly sweet, if that makes any sense. And the frosting.....dear god, the frosting. This was the most complicated frosting recipe I've ever made. It involved simmering a mixture of agave nectar and coconut milk, then thickening it with arrowroot powder, boiling it, beating it for several minutes with a hand mixer, adding coconut oil, beating it again for several minutes, freezing it for an hour and then beating it AGAIN for a good 10 minutes or so. EPIC FAIL.. It was supposed to be light and fluffy by this point, but it wasn't. It was kind of like a thick glaze, and tasted OK (if you like really, really sweet coconut glaze), but it was an unpleasant off-white color, and after sitting for about 10 minutes it started to congeal, then separate, and I pretty much lost my appetite after that.

Tonight I'm trying a pumpkin cake. It does have sugar, but not a lot, and I'm hoping all the spices will help give it some more flavor. I've given up on finding a sugar-free dairy-free frosting. I'm thinking I'll bring some whipped cream, or possibly some plain Greek yogurt flavored with a little cinnamon and let everyone top their own slice according to their dietary restrictions.

My lesson for the day

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 02:46:22 GMT

Claritin-D and Zyrtec-D are not the same thing. However, generic Claritin-D and generic Zyrtec-D have remarkably similar packaging. So similar that when I asked the pharmacist for generic Claritin-D (because it's just too damn dangerous for me to buy without going through a pharmacist, apparently), she gave me generic Zyrtec-D instead and I didn't even notice until I'd already taken three doses. And yes, I've spent the last day and a half vaguely wondering why I feel so out of it and assumed it was because my allergies are sapping all my energy, until I took a closer look at the pill box and realized that while Claritin-D does a wonderful job of managing my allergy symptoms with no side effects, Zyrtec-D manages my symptoms almost as well, but puts me in a kind of slowed-down, foggy mental state. Not nearly as bad as Benadryl, which knocks me out cold for a good 10 - 12 hours, but enough that I kind of feel like I'm moving in slow motion, and I have to think a lot harder than usual to do really simple tasks.

I figure I can't return the Zyrtec, since I've already opened it and taken several doses. And I'm afraid to just go buy some Claritin-D because buying two boxes of cold medicine in three days might flag me in whatever database they use to track pseudoephedrine sales, and I don't want to be arrested on suspicion of running a meth lab, especially when I'm not fully alert to defend myself. So until my allergies decide to calm down, I'll either be sniffling and sneezing and causing everyone to panic because no one believes me that it's just allergies and not swine flu, or I'll be breathing easily but be zoned out and not very alert. Either way, I'll probably be grouchy. How long do you think I have to wait before I can safely buy more sudafed without getting arrested?

Incidentally, the reason I had to get Claritin/Zyrtec instead of just plain sudafed is that the pharmacy was completely sold out of sudafed. I blame Glee.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 03:04:50 GMT

I promised myself I would post more often after my last lapse, and yet I haven't done so. I'll try again, starting.........now!

I keep waiting for something exciting to happen to write about, but not much is going on here. A combination of vet bills (Josh is fine - it just cost an alarming amount of money to find out that he's fine) and mechanic bills (Yes, I'm still driving the 15-year-old car with over 200,000 miles on it. It will last forever I tell you!) have got me sticking to a stricter budget, so I haven't been going out as much. I've been entertaining myself with Netflix and library books, and the giant stack of unread books I found while I was cleaning a while back. Work is going well, volunteering is going well, my family is doing well.....all is well!

I found this wonderful bit of news today - they're coming out with chocolate covered Peeps in the spring! I'm a little unclear on whether they'll still have a layer of granulated sugar under the chocolate, or if they'll just be marshmallow covered in chocolate. But don't worry - as soon as they're available I'll investigate and report back!

A friend of mine called this website the "anti-LOLCat site" (Hi, John!), but I prefer to think of it as Castiel's take on LOLcats. (If you aren't familiar with LOLcats, check out I Can Has Cheezburger.) (If you aren't familiar with Castiel, watch Supernatural, Thursdays at 9pm on the CW.)

Today is corkdorkdan 's birthday! Happy Birthday Dan!!!!! I was stumped for gift ideas, so I decided to send him a birthday cake. Birthday cake is always appropriate, right? The problem - how to ship a German chocolate cake from Philly to RI without spending an arm and a leg? The answer - bake jumbo cupcakes instead of a full-size cake. Cut them in half, layer with frosting in a half-pint mason jar (1 cupcake per jar fits just about perfectly), pack well and ship! They arrive (hopefully) fresh and moist and ready to eat out of the jar! Apparently some people actually bake the cakes in the jars and seal them as they cool to keep them really fresh (and send the frosting in a separate container), but there were several dire warnings floating around the web about botulism and it didn't seem worth the risk, so I went with this method instead. Dan said they arrived in good shape, so I guess it worked! And now that I know the secret, you can all guess what I'll be giving you for your next birthday!

Oh, hi!

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 00:24:23 GMT

Sorry for not posting for so long - I've been busy getting ordained. Yes, you can all call me Reverend Amy now! I know that it might be awkward at first to adjust to my new title, and it's only natural that you'll be in awe of my new, exalted status as an ordained minister. I mean, the Universal Life Church doesn't ordain just anyone....you have to fill out a brief form on the internet and wait until they email you your confirmation. I spent a good 5 minutes on the whole process! According to their website I can now legally perform weddings, baptisms, funerals and exorcisms. (Just like Sam & Dean!) I have no plans to do most of those things; the only reason I even looked into getting ordained is because my friends Maggie and Charlie are planning to get married and want me to perform the ceremony! I'm really excited about this. They haven't set a date yet, and we still have to sit down and talk about exactly what kind of ceremony they want, but I now have the legal authority to perform their wedding. If all goes well, maybe I'll start my own church. Prayer circles every Thursday at 9pm at my place! The sacred margaritas and holy cupcakes will be provided.

"When God is gone and the devil takes hold/Who will have mercy on your soul?"

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 00:00:03 GMT

I'm sure I don't need to say this, but I'll say it anyway.

Oh.My.God - I am soooooooo excited about the Supernatural Season 5 premier tonight!!!!!! I'm actually a bit frightened of this season - the show has been pretty dark in the past, and this season promises to be even worse....and by "worse", I mean "better". So I'm making tuna noodle casserole for dinner (the apocalypse calls for serious comfort food!) and trying to remain calm until 9:00. Wish me luck!

While I was at the grocery store getting tuna and noodles, I got stopped in the pasta aisle by a guy who looked completely overwhelmed by the selection of pasta available. He asked me kind of desperately "Do you know how to make.....uh, I think it's called spaghetti and meatballs?" (I think he was from India.) Apparently someone had told him he had to make the meatballs and sauce from scratch, and he looked very relieved when I pointed him toward the jars of sauce and told him about the pre-made meatballs in the frozen food aisle. Then I tried to explain the difference between spaghetti, linguine, angel hair, etc. It was fun. Then I came outside and saw an absolutely stunning double rainbow above the parking lot, and I stood there in the rain for like 5 minutes stopping every random passer-by and saying "Look at the rainbow!". Yes, they probably thought I was insane. Whatever - no one was looking at the rainbow! Look UP once in a while people!!!! Then I turned around and saw that the horizon in the other direction was absolutely blood red, which reminded my of the apocalypse, which reminded me that I needed to get home and get ready because THE SUPERNATURAL SEASON PREMIER IS TONIGHT!!!!!!!

IN CONCLUSION - I AM VERY CALM AND TOTALLY NOT FREAKING OUT OVER A TV SHOW AT ALL.

"She's tidied up and I can't find anything!"

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:12:50 GMT

I spent 20 minutes this morning looking for a particular pair of jeans. I checked all the usual places - under the bed, the bedroom floor, the clean laundry pile, the dirty laundry pile, the washer, the drier, the couch, under the couch pillows, in the pile of stuff I haven't gotten to cleaning up yet in the closet. You know where they were? Neatly folded in a dresser drawer. Why the hell would I put them there??? Damn nesting instincts..... I also had to go out one day last week with no umbrella because I couldn't find it anywhere. Yeah - it was hanging on a hook in my coat closet. This madness needs to stop right now!

BARNES AND NOBLE IS DEAD TO ME!!!!!!!

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 23:56:52 GMT

You hear that Barnes & Noble? DEAD!!!!!

OK - let me preface this by saying that this post will be ranty and rambling and maybe just a tiny bit unhinged, so I'm putting it all behind a cut. It involves me, a hardcore Supernatural addict already in withdrawal from a loooong summer hiatus, running into trouble trying to buy the Season 4 DVDs today. Like, 5 minutes ago. My hands are still shaking.

OK - so the fourth season of Supernatural (a show I may have mentioned once or twice) was released today. I spent quite a bit of time over the past few weeks researching the best place to buy them. In addition to considering price, some stores include special promotional items with the DVDs, so I had to shop around. The freebies were pretty lame this year, so I decided to go with the cheapest option. It came down to Amazon or Barnes & Noble, and since I have a Barnes & Noble coupon for an extra 15% off any item (in addition to my 10% member discount), I decided to go with B&N. Also, Amazon's free shipping sucks and it would have taken forever to get here; I've had good luck with B&N's free shipping in the past. So I tried to pre-order the DVDs online, but it wouldn't let me use my coupon on a pre-ordered item. OK, annoying, but not the end of the world. I decided that instead of ordering online, I'd just go to a Barnes & Noble store today and buy the DVDs there.

Supernatural DVD release day is a wonderful day. I look forward to it all year. Of course, it's not as exciting as Supernatural season premier day (which is next Thursday!), but it still fills me with great joy. I woke up early; it was a beautiful, cool, sunny day. I got to work at 9am on the dot and freaked several people out by not only being there, but being cheerful. The day went well. The cafe was serving one of my favorite sandwiches. I was happy. Life was good. I knew that as soon as I got off work I'd be heading to Barnes & Noble and getting my DVDs.

The list price of the DVDs is $59.99, which is insane and I don't think anyplace actually sells them for that amount. Barnes and Noble's website listed them as 30% off. And on top of that I have my 10% discount and my 15% coupon. Good deal, right? So I get to the store and make a beeline for the DVD section. (I am nearly powerless in a bookstore - if I start to look around I'll blow my whole budget within minutes, so I needed to stay focused.) I start looking around and a nice salesperson came up to me and asked if she could help me find something. I told her what I was looking for, and she had to look it up because she'd never heard of Supernatural, but she found it for me and handed me the box. It was priced at $59.99, with a sticker saying "10% off! Members save an additional 10%!". I was halfway to the register already, so I stopped and asked if that was the correct price. She said yes, and seemed very excited about the 10% off.

Me: Oh.....it's cheaper online.
Her: *shifty eyes* Sometimes it's a bit cheaper online.
Me: *hands beginning to shake* No - it's a lot cheaper online. It's 30% off on the website.
Her: (brightly) If you're a member you save an additional 10%!
Me: Yeah, but on the website I get that on top of the 30% discount.
Her: Well, you have to pay for shipping and wait for it....
Me: *probably looking increasingly deranged* It's eligible for free shipping on the website. (And I swear I wasn't raising my voice, but I was definitely enunciating. very. clearly. and I could feel myself shaking all over by this point.)
Her: I, um, need to go over there now. *scurries away* (OK - that's heavily paraphrased, but she did make a quick exit to go talk to another customer.)

And so help me God, I put the box back on the shelf and I left. I wasn't sure I'd have the willpower to do it, but I did. I walked out and sat in my car and did breathing exercises until the danger of hyperventilation passed. Then - and I'm not proud of this, but I'm being honest - I cried. I sat in my car in the Barnes and Noble parking lot and cried.

So, I'm home now, and my hands are STILL shaking. It's not just the fact that I now have to wait a few days for the DVDs (although that is causing me much anguish), it's that my favorite bookstore has betrayed me! I LOVED Barnes & Noble! How could they turn on me like this? I'm going to order the DVDs from their website, and then we are through. Goodbye Barnes and Noble. *sniff*

Now that I've had a little time to calm down, I realize that I probably should have gone to the service desk and asked them if I could buy the DVDs for the online price. I have no idea if they would have let me, but it would have been worth a try. Also, I could have caused a massive scene, which might have made me feel better. (Although breaking down sobbing because I want my DVDs RIGHT NOW I DON'T WANNA BE PATIENT AND WAIT FOR UPS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! might not have made me feel any better. Possibly, just possibly I would have felt foolish.)

Also, I've been telling myself that I'm completely overreacting. I know I am. It's a TV show. I'll have the DVDs by Friday and I can watch them over the long weekend. Really, this is hardly a crisis. But seriously - I am freaking out. Addiction is a terrible thing. So if you need to reach me over the next few days, check under my desk - I'll be curled up in a fetal position rocking back and forth singing Supernatural-related songs until my fix arrives in the mail.

Two out of three ain't bad.....right?

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 00:28:00 GMT

I went to a BBQ today and I was in charge of bringing the deserts. Awesome! Here's what I came up with:

Strawberry cupcakes with strawberry vanilla buttercream frosting - from scratch! Yum! (Please note the lovely piping job on the frosting.)

Triple chocolate chunk brownies. (From a mix - don't tell anyone!) Yum!

A bowl of mangled chocolate chip cookies that went horribly wrong. Yum? Actually, they do taste pretty good - you really can't go wrong when there's lots of butter, sugar and chocolate involved. But I thought bringing cookies that had to be eaten with a spoon might not make a great impression on my friends, so I kept these home and just brought the brownies and cupcakes.

So.....anyone got any idea what I can do with these mutant chocolate chip cookies?

After macerating, pureeing and juicing the strawberries for the cupcakes, I had a cup of strawberry juice left over and no idea what to do with it. After much contemplation I came up with...

strawberry daiquiris! Yum! Goes great with mangled cookies.

Awesome new Supernatural Promo

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 16:08:46 GMT

I think this is the best Supernatural promo ever: (Contains spoilers for the upcoming season)

The only other one that comes even close is from Season 2:

I cannot wait for this season to start!

Good News!

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:19:17 GMT

I'm going to be an aunt! I can finally upgrade my title from Crazy Cousin Amy to Crazy Aunt Amy! I am ridiculously excited about this. My sister Meghan is due sometime in January, and they don't plan to find out if it's a boy or a girl ahead of time, but I'm predicting a boy. I was all set to prepare for this joyous occasion by doing all sorts of spinster aunt-type things, like shopping for Clash onesies and trying to persuade her to name the baby Sam or Dean and making sure she eats enough chocolate (after seeing several friends go through pregnancies, I'm convinced that the true cause of morning sickness is insufficient levels of chocolate in the mother's system), and looking for feminist baby books but instead I seem to be experiencing an unexpected reaction. You guys - I think I'm nesting.

Is that even possible? Can I be going through sympathetic nesting? I cleaned all weekend. I mean - I did tons of laundry, and I vacuumed, and I made homemade carpet freshener out of baking soda and essential oils for heavens sake! This is not normal behavior for me. I also made a giant vat of vegetable soup that will probably last me for a month or so. It's very strange. I'm actually annoyed that I have to go into work tomorrow because I want to do more cleaning. Hopefully this is just a fluke and it will end soon, and I better not have any other weird sympathetic symptoms!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Take Two!

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 01:48:42 GMT

I saw the movie again this past weekend. My friends and I were planning to see it in IMAX 3-D, but we didn't order tickets ahead of time and the IMAX showings were sold out, so we ended up seeing it on the regular screen again. (Note to self - it's much easier to persuade people to go to the movies with you at noon on a Sunday, as opposed to at midnight on a Tuesday.)

Again, lots of spoilers ahead!

I partially recant my earlier rant. It was a good movie. I still hate the very final scene - I think it was poorly written and just plain stupid. But re-watching the cave scene and the death scene, I found them much more moving this time for some reason. I'm still not sure why they burned down the Burrow - if they wanted to add a random action scene, you'd think they'd add something that actually makes sense. The only thing I can think of is that they wanted to remind us that Bella and Greyback are both bad guys. You know, in case we hadn't picked up on that already.

I had this article from the NY Times in the back of my mind while I was watching the movie. The author expresses some confusion and concern over the number of scenes that show characters (both professors and students) drinking alcohol. In the article she points out that Hermione is tipsy after drinking her butterbeer in one scene. I'll admit that the first time I saw the movie I completely missed that, but watching it again she really does seem a little drunk. Not wasted or anything, but she kind of walks unsteadily and giggles more than usual and throws her arms around Harry & Ron and generally seems less inhibited than usual. The books are always a little vague on whether or not butterbeer is alcoholic - the kids start drinking it in their 3rd year when Harry is 13, and when they find out a house elf is getting drunk from it they're surprised because they don't think of it as a strong drink. I always figured it was some kind of a low-alcohol sweet drink (along the lines of a wine cooler), but Hermione definitely seems to get tipsy off it in this movie. (It may be relevant that she is shown downing half her mug in one gulp while Ron & Harry sip theirs slowly. Maybe she had a few more than they did?) However, even if Hermione is drunk, all this concern about underage drinking is still unwarranted. Hermione is not underage. We're specifically told that in the wizarding world, people come of age at 17. Hermione turned 17 in the fall of her 6th year, the year portrayed in this book. (Yes - I feel like a total geek for knowing that right off the top of my head. I take comfort in the fact that I don't know her exact birthday.)

Actually - I'm surprised that the article focuses on drinking and makes no reference at all to the obvious metaphors for drug use in the film. Ron under the influence of the love potion might as well be on ecstasy - the loving "Isn't everything beautiful?" dreaminess, the desire to hug everyone and touch everything, his comment after taking the antidote that he feels like crap now; I thought that was pretty obviously an allusion to drug use. Of course, he doesn't take it willingly, he's roofied by Romilda Vane, but Harry does deliberately take the Felix Felicis, and it's given to him by a teacher! I don't know if Felix is supposed to correspond to any particular drug, but Harry definitely acts high after he takes it. I think if I had a kid watching the movie, I'd want to talk to them about those scenes more than the alcohol scenes.

Cakes & Ale for One

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 03:21:27 GMT

My coven broke up earlier this year. It's a long story and I'm not going to go into details, but it happened back in January and that's the reason I've been very sporadic with any posts on spirituality or Wicca.

For several months I was too depressed to even think about doing ritual by myself. I couldn't even consider the idea of joining another coven, and I wasn't doing much spiritual work on my own - not even meditating or working with my Tarot cards. It's not that I wanted to stop practicing Wicca, I was just kind of stumped as to how to continue. I told myself I'd practice as a solitary, no problem. Well, it was a problem for me. I loved my coven, and the idea of doing a ritual without them just felt wrong.

Then in June, a few days before the full moon, I started feeling that pull - I wanted to do a ritual. So I did. It was.....OK. I felt like I was plodding along, it didn't feel natural, and I didn't feel like I accomplished much. But it felt good to dip my toes back in the water. Tonight I did another ritual, and I made a few changes. In June, I was still following the ritual outline that we used as a coven. I think that taking the format we used as a group and just using it by myself was part of the problem - the entire time I felt like people were missing; like I couldn't do the ritual properly by myself. So this time I made a few changes. I made a new ritual outline that's all mine. It's not really all that different from the coven ritual, but there are a few important changes, and I think it worked better. It certainly felt better, anyway.

One thing stumped me though - should I still do Cakes & Ale? Cakes & Ale is kind of a symbolic meal during the ritual - a chance for the group to share food and drink and reflect on the ritual. I did include it in my ritual tonight because I had some yummy cookies and really good beer, so why not? But I felt a little odd sharing a meal with myself. (On the plus side, I got to drink all the beer myself! :-) But if I didn't include it, I wouldn't have libations to offer at the end of the ritual. It's not that I think either way would be right or wrong - I'm just still trying to figure out what I'm most comfortable with. I'll have to experiment and see what feels right. But if anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Happy birthday to me!

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:52:23 GMT

I had a lovely birthday weekend, with cupcakes and Indian food and cards and generous gifts! Thank you to everybody who sent birthday wishes my way - they are much appreciated!

And before anyone can joke about not asking my age - I'm 37 today. Apparently I was supposed to start lying about my age several years ago, but I don't see the point. I'm proud of my age! Why would I lie about it? And I've noticed that the older I get, the happier I seem to get in general, so I'm very much looking forward to the coming year.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!